break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
