i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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