Non-Jews are for practice
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
