Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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