They should really pass out barf bags in church
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Are we still banned from the library?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
