That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
