Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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