I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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