Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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