We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
