Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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