So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
