I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
