Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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