I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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