Redeem this text for a blowjob
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
