Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
