Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize