Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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