Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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