Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
