there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
