It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
