God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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