I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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