i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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