My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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