Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
