I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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