Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
