I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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