He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
