I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
