i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
