Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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