she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
