the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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