You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
