Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
