FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
