My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize