I wanna bring you to show and tell
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
