In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
