I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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