not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
