is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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