We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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