Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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