JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
