Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
