ugly people sure do ruin things
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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