i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
