I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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