What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
