dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
