So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
