I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
