some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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