I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
