You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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