420 ftw
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
