Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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