I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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