Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
