Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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