I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
