I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
