Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
