she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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