i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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