so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
